So we had an incident this summer with the Canada Revenue Agency (CRA). In, what seems to be an annual event for me, the CRA reviewed my tax return earlier in the year, determining that the tax refund they issued was in error, and that I owed a paltry sum in return... with interest. That irked me a little. That was about the fourth year in a row my tax return had been reviewed. Then they reviewed my wife and I on two accounts: 1) they challenged our very existence, asking us to provide birth certificates for ourselves and proof that we resided at our residence; and 2) they challenged the existence of our children. That night, I got a little hot. I stayed-up well passed midnight crafting a reply to B. Bedard and the Benefits Exemption Team. I've posted my reply below (sans copies of our ID, as I suspect it's a poor idea to post your ID online).
Letter to CRA
Friday, January 23, 2015
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Open Letter to Unsuspecting Simpletons
Dear Confounded Morons:
I wish, hope and even pray that this:
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/saskatchewan/vacationing-family-hit-with-10-000-movie-bill-1.1229301
is the last story I will ever read respecting an wholely, good, kind and unsuspecting citizen who has, to great horror and surprise, received a whopping bill from his cellular carrier as a result of data charges while out-of-country. If history carries any weight, however, I fear that in another four to six months, we'll be hit, again, with another story of the same ilk. Although initial stories of this sort were about consumer victimization when they surfaced six or seven years ago during the initial explosion of smartphone availability, it seems to me that in the intervening period, the victim ship has sailed. To me, John Gibson of Weyburn, Saskatchewan, this is a story about your shocking level of ignorance. Where have you been for the last half-decade?
First of all, your charges were not a "movie bill". Granted, that was probably a headline generated by CBC, but none-the-less, it implies that somehow the use of shocking sums of data were rather innocent and should be compared, in value, to the cost of "a few movies" in some other context, like a movie rental or a theatre ticket, which you were apparently too lazy or cheap to actually buy. Why the hell were your kids sitting inside in front of the computer anyway when they had the benefit of the Arizona heat, which clearly cost a pretty sum in airfare to provide to them? Couldn't you at least make vacation a little bit exciting - take in a theatrical experience, or maybe go to the damn zoo, even. Make no mistake, the product you purchased was not "movies" but "data". Had you downloaded music, tv shows or porn, it's all ones and zeros to the network - it's all just data. These oversize roaming bills are almost always foisted upon children, as if the predatory phone companies are praying on the innocence of infants and crushing the soles of children. I guess it would be more difficult to run the media play if the headline was "vacationing family hit with $10,000.00 pornography bill".
I just hopped off a plane in Arizona last night and, despite that my cellular data was turned-off, SaskTel - the same carrier that cold-heartedly bilked Mr. Gibson of his children's happiness - sent me no fewer than THREE text messages warning of the various rates for data roaming and advising what to do about it - they even provided a link to call for the addition of a US data plan.
Mr. Gibson - welcome to 2014. Please hop off the ignorance train. If I have to read another story of this nature in the Saskatchewan news, I'm sending a personal letter to the complainant on behalf of phone carriers, which is really saying something, because at the end of it all, I too, believe that most carriers are jerks.
I wish, hope and even pray that this:
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/saskatchewan/vacationing-family-hit-with-10-000-movie-bill-1.1229301
is the last story I will ever read respecting an wholely, good, kind and unsuspecting citizen who has, to great horror and surprise, received a whopping bill from his cellular carrier as a result of data charges while out-of-country. If history carries any weight, however, I fear that in another four to six months, we'll be hit, again, with another story of the same ilk. Although initial stories of this sort were about consumer victimization when they surfaced six or seven years ago during the initial explosion of smartphone availability, it seems to me that in the intervening period, the victim ship has sailed. To me, John Gibson of Weyburn, Saskatchewan, this is a story about your shocking level of ignorance. Where have you been for the last half-decade?
First of all, your charges were not a "movie bill". Granted, that was probably a headline generated by CBC, but none-the-less, it implies that somehow the use of shocking sums of data were rather innocent and should be compared, in value, to the cost of "a few movies" in some other context, like a movie rental or a theatre ticket, which you were apparently too lazy or cheap to actually buy. Why the hell were your kids sitting inside in front of the computer anyway when they had the benefit of the Arizona heat, which clearly cost a pretty sum in airfare to provide to them? Couldn't you at least make vacation a little bit exciting - take in a theatrical experience, or maybe go to the damn zoo, even. Make no mistake, the product you purchased was not "movies" but "data". Had you downloaded music, tv shows or porn, it's all ones and zeros to the network - it's all just data. These oversize roaming bills are almost always foisted upon children, as if the predatory phone companies are praying on the innocence of infants and crushing the soles of children. I guess it would be more difficult to run the media play if the headline was "vacationing family hit with $10,000.00 pornography bill".
I just hopped off a plane in Arizona last night and, despite that my cellular data was turned-off, SaskTel - the same carrier that cold-heartedly bilked Mr. Gibson of his children's happiness - sent me no fewer than THREE text messages warning of the various rates for data roaming and advising what to do about it - they even provided a link to call for the addition of a US data plan.
Mr. Gibson - welcome to 2014. Please hop off the ignorance train. If I have to read another story of this nature in the Saskatchewan news, I'm sending a personal letter to the complainant on behalf of phone carriers, which is really saying something, because at the end of it all, I too, believe that most carriers are jerks.
Monday, January 6, 2014
Open Letter to National Media: Stop Reporting Toronto's Weather
Dear Canadian Media:
Toronto's daily weather is not national news. Please stop reporting it as such. This is getting ridiculous.
As my family and I bathed in the dark enveloping coolness of a four hour power outage at -30 degrees (not "feels like", but actually -30 as the true air temperature), we awoke to national headlines advising that Toronto was slushy, and that as a result of a coming "cold snap", the slush might freeze. I checked the temperature in Toronto: it's -5 degrees. Of course, it's getting as cold as -12 this evening and the overnight low tonight is... wait for it.... -19. The horror. Torontonians might have some ice, because that happens in freezing temperatures.
Last week, I recall hearing on CBC Radio One's morning national news accounts of people hearing cracking noises in Toronto when it dipped to a bone chilling -20 overnight. The fact that some cracking noises seemed unusual to some lake-front dwellers at that temperature informs us of just how infrequently it really reaches seriously cold temperatures in Canada's media darling, which also gives you some idea of how out-of-touch ol' Hogtown is with the climate in a large swath of this country. Lakes freeze at -20 - shifting ice and water make noises.
It's trite and a smidge self-righteous for me to point-out that we of the prairies have been living with daytime highs below -20 for several consecutive stretches in the last few months. Consider the people in the vast stretches of our territories north of 60: our prairie coldsnap probably seems quite tolerable to them. I do realize that the national media is reporting the Toronto weather as a function of relativity - perhaps it's currently colder than normal. I suppose that's news in some minor fashion - a sidebar to the local weather report. But it's not not national news - that's where this whole thing went off the rails. It's hard to solicit pity for the downtrodden residents of the Golden Horseshoe when their reported climatic suffering would constitute a thermal relief for a wide swath of the country. In Canada, overnight lows of -50 should attract some national consideration. Overnight lows of -20 are just "winter".
So seriously, Canadian Media, stop towing the line. Winter often sucks in this country, wherever you are. If you're in Vancouver, it's raining, if you're in the prairies or the north, it's bloody freezing, if you're on the east coast, it's storming, and if you're in Toronto.... well.... it's a damp cold, I guess (which, if you understood weather, indicates it's really not that cold). Let's just accept it, leave the complaints for the coffee shops and elevators, and get on with getting by until March. Stop reporting the woes of Toronto as national f*cking news. Couldn't you just dig-up a story on Rob Ford or something?
Toronto's daily weather is not national news. Please stop reporting it as such. This is getting ridiculous.
As my family and I bathed in the dark enveloping coolness of a four hour power outage at -30 degrees (not "feels like", but actually -30 as the true air temperature), we awoke to national headlines advising that Toronto was slushy, and that as a result of a coming "cold snap", the slush might freeze. I checked the temperature in Toronto: it's -5 degrees. Of course, it's getting as cold as -12 this evening and the overnight low tonight is... wait for it.... -19. The horror. Torontonians might have some ice, because that happens in freezing temperatures.
Last week, I recall hearing on CBC Radio One's morning national news accounts of people hearing cracking noises in Toronto when it dipped to a bone chilling -20 overnight. The fact that some cracking noises seemed unusual to some lake-front dwellers at that temperature informs us of just how infrequently it really reaches seriously cold temperatures in Canada's media darling, which also gives you some idea of how out-of-touch ol' Hogtown is with the climate in a large swath of this country. Lakes freeze at -20 - shifting ice and water make noises.
It's trite and a smidge self-righteous for me to point-out that we of the prairies have been living with daytime highs below -20 for several consecutive stretches in the last few months. Consider the people in the vast stretches of our territories north of 60: our prairie coldsnap probably seems quite tolerable to them. I do realize that the national media is reporting the Toronto weather as a function of relativity - perhaps it's currently colder than normal. I suppose that's news in some minor fashion - a sidebar to the local weather report. But it's not not national news - that's where this whole thing went off the rails. It's hard to solicit pity for the downtrodden residents of the Golden Horseshoe when their reported climatic suffering would constitute a thermal relief for a wide swath of the country. In Canada, overnight lows of -50 should attract some national consideration. Overnight lows of -20 are just "winter".
So seriously, Canadian Media, stop towing the line. Winter often sucks in this country, wherever you are. If you're in Vancouver, it's raining, if you're in the prairies or the north, it's bloody freezing, if you're on the east coast, it's storming, and if you're in Toronto.... well.... it's a damp cold, I guess (which, if you understood weather, indicates it's really not that cold). Let's just accept it, leave the complaints for the coffee shops and elevators, and get on with getting by until March. Stop reporting the woes of Toronto as national f*cking news. Couldn't you just dig-up a story on Rob Ford or something?
Friday, December 6, 2013
It's a Dry Cold. A Dry, Windy Cold.
Dear Weather and News Forecasters:
It was not -38 degrees Celsius in Regina this morning, nor was it -41in Saskatoon. The air temperatures were in the -20 to -30 degree C range. I checked several sources that measure air temperature. You are spreading misinformation and lies. Please stop it.
I know, I know - if I wait for the detailed discussion of the weather, you will, at some stage, acknowledge that although the air temperature is a balmy -23 C, the windchill effect makes you feel as though the temperature is -35. Invariably, and with more frequency, people are simply hearing the lowest "temperature" you broadcast, and, without fail, you loudly and boldly proclaim the artificial windchill "temperature" as if it is in fact the air temperature. You are feeding ignorance. I suppose we should expect this from people who make a living providing predictions, which, by most accounts, are consistently wrong. It's an interesting line of work.
Since the implementation of this new "equivalent temperature" treatment of windchill, which has only been in use for approximately 10 years, people take great daily pride in extolling daily winter "temperatures" that rarely reach above -25. I grow hot with rage recalling the number of recent occasions when work colleagues and elevator strangers declared to all present that "it's -53 out there - can you believe that?" No. I cannot, because it is a lie. It is -26, but it's breezy. As best as I can determine, the last time the actual recorded air temperature in Saskatchewan dipped below -50, was at Elrose in 2002, when a reading of -51.0 was recorded. However, if you listen to street talk, office noise and radio, it seems like -50 is a weekly occurence in January and February. In fact, the average daily maximum and minimum temperatures in Saskatoon in January are -12 and -22. That sounds pretty f*cking balmy compared to what I'm hearing.
Before the implementation of the current "equivalent temperature" treatment of windchill, the Canadian government used a relative measurement which factored in air temperature and wind speed to provide a scale indicating how quickly heat would be lost. You may recall windchill measurements like "1400", which was the threshold for frostbite to occur. Apparently, these measurements were confusing for people, because people are simple and they can only understand one-dimensional units of measurement. Of course, the index was an attempt to provide a comparative measure of compounded factors - temperature and wind. So one single unit of measure - ie. temperature - is not capable of providing a relevant measurement. Of course, mathematical impossibility has never stood in the way of human fiction.
In their wisdom, the U.S. and Canada agreed in 2001 to move to an "equivalent temperature" model, wherein they would use a series of formulas to arrive at a fictional temperature that is supposed to account for the cooling effect of wind speed. They just as easily could have chosen wind speed, and not temperature, as the single unit of measurement. Then your forecast would be as follows: "The wind is 5km/h today, but with the temperature at -18, it will feel like a true wind of 19km/h... so bundle up." That seems ridiculous. So should your fictional temperatures. But people love your fictional temperatures, because people love extreme weather. Too many people are taking odd pleasure in repeating the ridiculously low temperatures you report and it sickens me, mostly because the vast majority appear to actually believe the fictional temperature is, in fact, the real temperature.
Frankly, you don't know how I feel about certain wind speeds. If I'm facing away from the wind, it doesn't affect my temperature much at all. And -30 with no wind is still a very different sensation than -20 with a 17km/h wind, which Environment Canada tells us is equivalent to -30. In -30 and no wind, I'm not wearing a touque for a short walk - at -20 with a 17km/h wind, I'm wearing a damn touque. It's not the same f*cking thing. Give me the temperature, and give me the wind. I will cope accordingly, and you will refrain from spreading lies and misinformation. What about the sun. Haven't you ever felt the warmth of the sun on a clear, still -30 day? What about surface warming? Why don't you report that, "it's -30 outside, but with no wind and surface heating, it feels like -20"? If we're inventing temperatures, let's not do a half-ass job. Your profession is based on making consistently inaccurate predictions, and no one holds you accountable anyway.
And while we're on the subject, could you please tell all the ingrates from southern Ontario and the East Coast that there's no such thing as a "wet cold" and a "dry cold" in terms of winter temperatures on the prairies. Invariably, someone will advise that -20 in Saskatchewan isn't really that bad because it's a "dry cold". Of course it is. At -20, the air doesn't contain any moisture because it's physically impossible. In fact,, anywhere below 0 degrees, water is virtually non-existent in the air. See the chart below, which is based on physics, not feelings.
As such, I don't frankly care that some people "feel" that -4 in Toronto is colder than -4 in Saskatchewan because of the "dampness" - perhaps it's because Toronto is a cold, dark blackness of a settlement that smells of urine and is run by an addict. It doesn't give me warm feelings either. But -10 in Saskatchewan is colder and feels colder than - 4 in Toronto. At one time I had in my possession a copy of a study conducted by the Canadian Armed Forces which attempted to measure the "damp cold" effect. I have failed to find my copy of the study, so you will have to take my word (as we take your word respecting next Friday's weather) that the soldiers could not effectively distinguish between a damp cold and a dry cold at temperatures where it was even possible to alter the humidity level (see above chart respecting restrictions). Cold is cold, and people can't tell the difference.
And when we're dealing with important factors like, "will my vehicle start this morning", it depends on solely one thing: real air temperature. Your car doesn't care whether it's dry, wet or windy - it's simply a matter of temperature.
Now don't get me wrong on this. I'm not saying that wind has no effect on your body - it surely does. But wind doesn't change the air temperature, which is the only actual fact you have to report, in addition to the wind speed. I just take offence that you continue to report how I'm going to feel when I go outside as a fictional temperature. If weather is going to be based on feelings, why not just go all-in and report how you feel about the weather every day. Consider the wind, consider the sun, consider your coffee that morning and the quality of your date last night - and then just throw something out there... -12. Frankly, it's not going to be any less accurate than your forecast.
Frozen In Fictional Feelings,
DJD
It was not -38 degrees Celsius in Regina this morning, nor was it -41in Saskatoon. The air temperatures were in the -20 to -30 degree C range. I checked several sources that measure air temperature. You are spreading misinformation and lies. Please stop it.
I know, I know - if I wait for the detailed discussion of the weather, you will, at some stage, acknowledge that although the air temperature is a balmy -23 C, the windchill effect makes you feel as though the temperature is -35. Invariably, and with more frequency, people are simply hearing the lowest "temperature" you broadcast, and, without fail, you loudly and boldly proclaim the artificial windchill "temperature" as if it is in fact the air temperature. You are feeding ignorance. I suppose we should expect this from people who make a living providing predictions, which, by most accounts, are consistently wrong. It's an interesting line of work.
Since the implementation of this new "equivalent temperature" treatment of windchill, which has only been in use for approximately 10 years, people take great daily pride in extolling daily winter "temperatures" that rarely reach above -25. I grow hot with rage recalling the number of recent occasions when work colleagues and elevator strangers declared to all present that "it's -53 out there - can you believe that?" No. I cannot, because it is a lie. It is -26, but it's breezy. As best as I can determine, the last time the actual recorded air temperature in Saskatchewan dipped below -50, was at Elrose in 2002, when a reading of -51.0 was recorded. However, if you listen to street talk, office noise and radio, it seems like -50 is a weekly occurence in January and February. In fact, the average daily maximum and minimum temperatures in Saskatoon in January are -12 and -22. That sounds pretty f*cking balmy compared to what I'm hearing.
Before the implementation of the current "equivalent temperature" treatment of windchill, the Canadian government used a relative measurement which factored in air temperature and wind speed to provide a scale indicating how quickly heat would be lost. You may recall windchill measurements like "1400", which was the threshold for frostbite to occur. Apparently, these measurements were confusing for people, because people are simple and they can only understand one-dimensional units of measurement. Of course, the index was an attempt to provide a comparative measure of compounded factors - temperature and wind. So one single unit of measure - ie. temperature - is not capable of providing a relevant measurement. Of course, mathematical impossibility has never stood in the way of human fiction.
In their wisdom, the U.S. and Canada agreed in 2001 to move to an "equivalent temperature" model, wherein they would use a series of formulas to arrive at a fictional temperature that is supposed to account for the cooling effect of wind speed. They just as easily could have chosen wind speed, and not temperature, as the single unit of measurement. Then your forecast would be as follows: "The wind is 5km/h today, but with the temperature at -18, it will feel like a true wind of 19km/h... so bundle up." That seems ridiculous. So should your fictional temperatures. But people love your fictional temperatures, because people love extreme weather. Too many people are taking odd pleasure in repeating the ridiculously low temperatures you report and it sickens me, mostly because the vast majority appear to actually believe the fictional temperature is, in fact, the real temperature.
Frankly, you don't know how I feel about certain wind speeds. If I'm facing away from the wind, it doesn't affect my temperature much at all. And -30 with no wind is still a very different sensation than -20 with a 17km/h wind, which Environment Canada tells us is equivalent to -30. In -30 and no wind, I'm not wearing a touque for a short walk - at -20 with a 17km/h wind, I'm wearing a damn touque. It's not the same f*cking thing. Give me the temperature, and give me the wind. I will cope accordingly, and you will refrain from spreading lies and misinformation. What about the sun. Haven't you ever felt the warmth of the sun on a clear, still -30 day? What about surface warming? Why don't you report that, "it's -30 outside, but with no wind and surface heating, it feels like -20"? If we're inventing temperatures, let's not do a half-ass job. Your profession is based on making consistently inaccurate predictions, and no one holds you accountable anyway.
And while we're on the subject, could you please tell all the ingrates from southern Ontario and the East Coast that there's no such thing as a "wet cold" and a "dry cold" in terms of winter temperatures on the prairies. Invariably, someone will advise that -20 in Saskatchewan isn't really that bad because it's a "dry cold". Of course it is. At -20, the air doesn't contain any moisture because it's physically impossible. In fact,, anywhere below 0 degrees, water is virtually non-existent in the air. See the chart below, which is based on physics, not feelings.
As such, I don't frankly care that some people "feel" that -4 in Toronto is colder than -4 in Saskatchewan because of the "dampness" - perhaps it's because Toronto is a cold, dark blackness of a settlement that smells of urine and is run by an addict. It doesn't give me warm feelings either. But -10 in Saskatchewan is colder and feels colder than - 4 in Toronto. At one time I had in my possession a copy of a study conducted by the Canadian Armed Forces which attempted to measure the "damp cold" effect. I have failed to find my copy of the study, so you will have to take my word (as we take your word respecting next Friday's weather) that the soldiers could not effectively distinguish between a damp cold and a dry cold at temperatures where it was even possible to alter the humidity level (see above chart respecting restrictions). Cold is cold, and people can't tell the difference.
And when we're dealing with important factors like, "will my vehicle start this morning", it depends on solely one thing: real air temperature. Your car doesn't care whether it's dry, wet or windy - it's simply a matter of temperature.
Now don't get me wrong on this. I'm not saying that wind has no effect on your body - it surely does. But wind doesn't change the air temperature, which is the only actual fact you have to report, in addition to the wind speed. I just take offence that you continue to report how I'm going to feel when I go outside as a fictional temperature. If weather is going to be based on feelings, why not just go all-in and report how you feel about the weather every day. Consider the wind, consider the sun, consider your coffee that morning and the quality of your date last night - and then just throw something out there... -12. Frankly, it's not going to be any less accurate than your forecast.
Frozen In Fictional Feelings,
DJD
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
My Deadbeat Friend Asked for an Update
My freind Adam worked for the provincial government. They had a program wherein Adam contributed a portion of his salary over time to some reserve fund or some junk and was then entitled to take a year leave with pay to do sweet bugger-all. In fact, his then date also committed to the same program with the province. As a result, they have been travelling the world for the past year without care or consequence. They actually got engaged in South Africa (presumably with a blood diamond).
A while back, nearing the end of our cold, hard winter, Adam inquired as to how I was doing. I provided the following reply. For a bit of context, our other friend recently bought a bar in Whitehorse, YT, we have another friend who runs a practice in rural Alberta, and on one occasion, I did stay in the worst condemned hotel that Whitehorse had to offer, which did result in a bloody injury from all the smashed glass littering the hallway. I lead a charmed life.
A while back, nearing the end of our cold, hard winter, Adam inquired as to how I was doing. I provided the following reply. For a bit of context, our other friend recently bought a bar in Whitehorse, YT, we have another friend who runs a practice in rural Alberta, and on one occasion, I did stay in the worst condemned hotel that Whitehorse had to offer, which did result in a bloody injury from all the smashed glass littering the hallway. I lead a charmed life.
Dear Adam:
For starters, they changed the unlock code on the doors
in our hallway today. You can imagine the confusion and disorientation that has
resulted. I couldn't even tell you what the old code was - it was just a pattern
etched in my muscle memory. And it's so hard to change. I've run my shoulder
clean into the door at a high rate of force no fewer than four times today.
Doors are hard, as is change.
As you may or may not know, I have two (2) children by
the names of Hudson and Hugo, in order of birth from first to last. Hudson,
whom I call Hudder, is a thoughtful, inquisitive but unsettled fellow who
enjoys staying awake, not eating and sticking things in slots and holes. He
also enjoys tractors, diggers, trucks, hockey and dancing. He recently
discovered that the syringe we use to administer Advil will also extract his
pee from the potty and once rendered him the most powerful boy with a
pee-filled syringe. He also likes nipples. He is a curious fellow.
Hugo, whom I call Not (short for Huguenot - an ode to 16th century French protestants), is a very
good looking baby who has recently acquired crawling as a form of
transportation. He enjoys eating as much as I do, and boob. He has sprouted six
teeth which he uses to eat ribs, pork chops and bacon between suckling at the
teat. He has significant cellulite on his bum, perhaps as a result of his
consumption. He also enjoys knocking things over and trying to eat my glasses.
My hope is that one day, after wallowing in the seas of
uncertainty and introspection, my two boys will purchase a bar in Whitehorse,
YT or a law practice in rural Alberta. I sure's hell hope they don't go to work
for a mid-sized law firm in a mid-sized prairie city, because as far as I can
tell, that's a one-way ticket to mediocrity, inflammation and a chronic
shortage of funds.
I also have a wife named Maeghan who continues to look as
if she's fostered no children. However, she doesn't currently earn any income
beyond the standard EI benefits our system pays to mothers on leave. But our
long hard winter with two gnomes drove her to such depths by the start of
February, that she arranged to look at bigger houses with a realtor in such
suburbs as Stonebridge and Rosewood and other such non-descript dirt holes. We
quickly realized they were awful, and committed, instead, to spending the money
we didn't have on finishing our basement. And like all good debtor-creditor
lawyers do, I hired a contractor on a handshake and prayer. Two months
over-time and about $8,000.00 over budget, we've got the funkiest f*cking
basement this side of Taylor Street.... just in time for the out-of-doors
season. Oh well. We'll have winter again. But seriously - my wife designed a
cool f*cking basement. But there were some initial issues.
The morning after "opening"
the basement, we found the bathroom vanity lying on the floor - it had fallen
clean off the wall. They came and fixed that. Then, a few days later, the
shelving and hanging rod in the closet collapsed and punched holes through the
drywall. They came and fixed that too. I just hope the ceiling doesn't
collapse. We got a really good deal though, so that's good. Written contracts
are for sissies.
Anyway, the long and short is that we're poor in money,
but rich in basements and guys. We also have the following items for sale,
which might interest you: two bookshelves of middling quality but good
condition, a Queen size box-spring and bed frame, a heavy-duty wall mount (with
swivel) for a 40" to 52" television, a Technics keyboard from 1991
that my brother originally paid $1,200.00 for - it has a midi port which was
kind of a big deal for 1991... it also has cool-ass sound effects. Should
anyone be interested in these items, we'd be pleased to offer you a significant
discount off the FMV.
But we've got lots of grandparents who love our children,
so they help carry the load. I already fell asleep twice this week putting
Hudder to bed - we're just so tired all the time. So it's nice when someone
else takes our children - we do fun things, like nap and clean. It's odd though
- Marcel was such an angry man for so many years, and now he does whatever his
grandchildren ask of him and he just doesn't seem angry at all. Hudder
regularly demands rides in the John Deere Tractor and I suspect Hudder is going
to break the farm with the fuel consumption from driving in circles. And the
escalating battles between the grandparents for grandchild satisfaction will,
eventually, have disastrous results - Hudon's going to have his own Sherman
tank by the time he's six (6). Papa Dubois will probably arrange for him to
hunt a hobo at some stage.
Anyway, I'm pretty much the same as ever except less
drunk, more tired and a little confused about everything. But it's fine I
think. I do have a pretty good family and I have to say that having some little
guys around is fascinating... they are weird creatures. I'm just so f*cking
tired all the time. I just really want a nap.
But good work on the engagement... I mean, you might just
as well, all things considered and whatnot. If you two are still generally
enjoying each other's company at this stage, that's a pretty good sign. Maybe
you could have a Whitehorse Wedding and we could all go up there. I know a
shitty, haunted hotel up there that probably still has some of our blood in the
carpet.
I've attached some photos for your reference.
1. Two guys.
2. A picture coloured by someone in our family.
3. The vanity that fell.
4. My water meter reading.
5. Jan (of our law class) and her dad at her dad's
pant factory in Moose Jaw.*
If you have nothing to do between August and the new
year, you are welcome to spend some time in our basement. It has a murphy bed,
very soft carpet, a two-person steam shower and a projector for a TV. We could
probably use a tenant with some money anyway.
Don't get arrested,
DJD
* Jan and I ran a full QB trial in Moose Jaw about a
month ago. Her dad owns an honest-to-god pant factory. They make only men's
pants and shorts for HBC, Mark's and other large retailers. Unlike Bangladesh
factories, Canaday's Apparel has never collapsed nor burned. When we concluded
our trial I bought some pants at a very deep discount. If you need pants, shoot
me an email - I can hook you up. I even got a very nice pleated navy dress
short.
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